JADE, 40 Yrs - FRANCE
“I was born in South Korea but was adopted at the age of 3 by a French family. I found my birth mother at 24 and have reconnected with that side of the family since then. I met my husband who is American and moved for him 16 years ago to the USA. I have 2 kids. I am an entrepreneur. A few businesses, a few failures, many great experiences. Which is what made me the person I am today.”
What’s the biggest life transition you have had?
“Life is about the transition. I had many transitions, so it is hard to choose which one had the most impact because they all had in different ways. The biggest and first one was the adoption when I was 3 years old. My biological mother was working and separated from my biological father. In Korea at that time, fathers had all custody rights. He didn’t want to take care of a child but kept me in the paternal family to pressure my biological mother to come back, which she didn’t. The paternal family and my biological father then decided to leave me to the adoption agency instead since the pressure wasn't working. I am not sure how long I stayed there since you are in a host family when you are under 3, then you move to the orphanage when you are 3, which I did, according to my file. I also know that I was in a host family for some time. I stayed in the orphanage for 4 months before being adopted and moved to France.
I have no regrets about these events even if I had no control because they led me to where I am today and I couldn't be happier. I met friends and made a family in Paris. I am grateful because I would have had a different life and met other people. This was the first major transition of my life.
As a child, your mother is everything. I can’t even think about how I felt as I look at my kids and would start crying if something like that happened to them. Fear, sadness, anger, not understanding what is happening to you. Losing what your world is about when you are at that age…
When I lost such a pillar in my life, I was taught my first lesson: be strong and move on. I did very well in fact. This has taught me to always move on forward and not look backward. It also taught me to be independent and strong. Nothing in life is scary and nothing cannot be overcome. When you lose everything, you can always rebuild. I detach myself very easily from situations to make the most of them. ”
“ I am very independent and make things happen for myself, which also made me assume that everything can change at any moment, I, therefore, have low expectations from people.”
How did you handle this transition?
“Kids at that age forget, move on and continue to live. They bounce back because they don’t know how to over-analyze. They are too young. They tend to fall back on being happy or playful. Which is what I did.
As I grew older, I talked about it openly. It was never a secret. Lastly, I always acknowledge the positive outcomes and takeaways of the story. I focused on that.”
What were the emotions felt during this transition?
“The biggest emotion that was there for a very long time and that stayed with me is fear. Fear that nobody cares long enough for my person. I struggled with not being seen.”
When you rehash this transition again, how can you use it for future life changes?
“Do like kids at that age, forget, move on and play.”
How did it make you grow? What were the learnings?
“Here are the strengths I got from that experience: I am very independent and make things happen for myself, which also made me assume that everything can change at any moment, I, therefore, have low expectations from people. I also try to always see the best thing out of a situation. The only way I can move on from challenges.”