5 TIPS TO HELP YOU MAKE CLEARER DECISIONS
I was faced with a difficult decision the other day, and it got me thinking about how we make decisions, and the internal factors which play into that process.
We make thousands of decisions a day. What to wear. Who to see. What series to start watching. What to prioritize and what to let go of. We make over 200 decisions a day on food alone, and since the advent of the pandemic, we’ve had even more decisions foisted upon us, all of them with an extra dose of anxiety built-in. Go out or stay in? Which vaccine to choose? Go to the store or shop online?
While Covid-19 has amplified this, as it’s amplified everything in our lives, amplification is all it is. We’ve always had to make decisions, and depending on where we are mentally on a particular day, a decision that was easy yesterday can become daunting today. So we procrastinate, avoid, delay. The more impactful the decision (whether or not to become a parent for example) the harder it is to make, because we are torn between our rational side, and our emotional side which sounds the alarm at the slightest hint of danger. The rational side pushes us forward towards making a decision, but the emotional side pulls us back into our comfort zone out of fear or vice versa.
So how do we make decisions without this push-pull? Without the doubts and lingering regret?
1 – First you have to recognize your emotions. Understand and accept them to be able to move past them into a place of calm where you can make the decision you need to make.
"What does this situation awaken or trigger in me? What are my alternatives? How do I feel about each of them?" We have a tendency to devalue or even demonize our emotions, whereas they can enlighten us and guide us.
Our emotions are a powerful tool. Fear warns us of danger, disgust, of contamination, or on the flip side, gourmandize of a pleasure to come. They shape how we react. Anxiety blocks us, frustration eats away at us, anger makes us impulsive.
Far too often we allow our emotions to make decisions for us, only to then try and justify them with rational explanations, “ Since I’m already late to work I’ll stop and grab a cup of coffee” for example. To make the right decision, at that time, in that situation, requires listening to both sides of this internal conversation, and finding the balance between them “I’m already late, let’s not make it worse, I’ll have my coffee at work.”
2- Allow time to play its crucial role.
There’s a reason the saying “sleep on it” exists. Time allows you to take a step back from your emotions, be more objective, better understand the context, and more honestly process information.
When making a decision, these are all essential factors. With the time to think a decision through, we can identify when we’re being pushed or pulled by emotion, past experiences, or learned patterns of behavior, and push past these barriers to make the decision that is right for us.
Time also helps us make better decisions if we use it. By simply planning out the following day’s schedule the night before, we take care of 90% of the decisions we’ll need to make that day. In the process we reduce stress load and give our brains room to better process new decisions which need to be made, which helps us to make better decisions.
3 - Making a decision also means anticipating the future and the consequences of each of our decisions.
When trying to make a decision, ask yourself: "What is the impact of this decision? What is its influence on my well-being in the short and long term?" The smaller the impact of our decision, the easier it is to make.
Often, we agonise over small decisions, when both choices would be satisfactory, so it is better not to dwell on them: choosing a movie, a main course, activities for our children, a babysitter, a date, etc. In short, when we are faced with two choices, it is generally because they both have a positive impact. To help decide, ask yourself: "If I only had the first alternative, would I be satisfied? What if the second alternative was the only one?" If both have the same consequences, then you might as well flip a coin or follow your instincts!
When you free up the brain space by following your instincts for the smaller decisions, you give yourself more time and energy to focus on those decisions which have a greater impact.
4 - Let your values and preferences guide you.
When it comes to more important and impactful decisions with far-reaching consequences, such as accepting a job offer, getting married, or buying an apartment, we need to identify our expectations, be they professional, personal, or other. "What values and culture am I looking for at work? What are the values I want in a relationship?” “What is my deal breaker?” We can never be sure of the outcome of a decision, but we can assess the stakes and reduce the risks. Knowing what our values are, and being guided by them, allows us to decide more naturally and spontaneously.
5- Not every decision is final (you’re allowed to change your mind).
Making a decision doesn’t mean you’re cancelling out other alternatives or turning your back on a prior decision. Rather, it’s about opening doors to new experiences and opportunities. People change, and what was the right decision for you yesterday, may no longer be the right decision for who and where you are today.
While we know what we may lose, miss out on, or let go of when we make a decision, we don’t really know what or how much we stand to gain. By framing important decisions as a door that opens rather than one that closes, we make the decision easier, more pleasant, and less stressful.
"Nothing in life is to be feared, everything is to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, in order to fear less." Marie Curie