WE ALL GET TRIGGERED SOMETIMES. WHY?

Our brain is made of synapses. “What gets fired together, gets wired together.”

Everything that happens in our lives get stored in our brain. A smell of Jasmin can bring us back to our grandma’s house. The sound of a door slamming can stop us in our tracks. What we expect to happen in the present tells us instantly what has happened in our past. A trigger is when something happens to our senses, a smell, something we see, hear, touch, taste, which evokes a feeling that takes us directly back to a memory. That memory can elicit fear, stress, joy, frustration, anger, or anxiety. 

Where do these reactions, these interpretations, come from?  

This gut feeling we get has been taught to mean something specific through a previous experience with our teachers, parents, friends…. Is that meaning still true for us today, or are we only reacting to the memory? For example, giving a presentation can be interpreted as an opportunity and something exciting, or as a source of stress and fear depending on your previous experiences. 

In the last few years I personally have become more and more aware of my triggers simply because I have been more exposed to them.

Becoming a mum 7 years ago meant I was constantly surrounded by my emotional triggers, leading to me feeling frustrated, stressed, overwhelmed and angry when my kids didn’t do as I asked, answered back, or screamed endlessly. As the saying goes: ”they know how to push my buttons!” but knowing and facing these triggers, although challenging, has led to great personal growth for me over time. 

They are internal and external triggers. External triggers can be your kids’ messy room, your boss rolling his eyes at your comment, a car honking at you for no reason, a cookie on the counter, your running shoes, a picture on social media…. When we identify the triggers, positive or negative, in our environment, we can optimize it so we are no longer triggered by removing the cookie from the counter or unfollowing those Instagram accounts. Triggers play an important role in our state, and a small negative external trigger can shift our mood and day if we don’t address it. 

Internal triggers are made of our brain storing the memory of an event and when triggered we travel back to this old experience. Your automatic response will be to protect yourself. We become vulnerable and either fight, freeze, or take flight. These are the 3 survival reactions the brain has when faced with perceived danger. 

For example, if you grew up in a strict environment where a parent was always screaming, then later on with a partner, you can be triggered and feel the exact same way in your body and mind as you did when you were little kid when your partner shouts or screams. An emotion is triggered and often can escalate.

Your partner can tell you something and it triggers you, but someone else can tell you the same thing and it triggers you less. Usually the people we are in a close intimate relationship become a substitute for our parents in our brains, and we can see that when we are triggered by our partner or a close friend or colleague, it feels the same as when we were triggered by our parents. Triggers reveals the things we need to work on. It’s a way of growing.

What are your triggers? What sets you off? How do you respond to these triggers? How do you wish you could respond instead?

Discover tips on how to grow stronger in the next part of this article: How to respond to triggers with our brain and not react with our emotions.