LIFE TRANSITIONS: TIPS TO GUIDE OUR JOURNEY.
There’s no prescribed tool or solution to help us go through life transitions. Every transition starts with grief at losing what we had and the stress of starting something new. We always know what we stand to lose, but not what we might get.
1 – Pause and focus on the present moment.
When we are in those unsettled times, that in-between zone, it’s crucial to PAUSE. To not overly plan and try to anticipate the future, or recreate what we had as quickly as possible, like rushing into a new relationship immediately after a break-up just to avoid the discomfort of being alone.
I often hear “if only things could go back to the way they were 2 years ago” but going around and around doing the same thing and getting the same results is not the solution because whatever we do, we can’t recreate that exact past.
Being in the NOW with a quiet mind, pausing, looking inward, labeling the feelings, accepting the coming change, and seeing the best direction to take is the only way through. In a state of resistance, anger, or frustration we cannot fix things, be heard, or decide rationally. Instead, it is better to accept the chaos and live with the discomfort of things being unresolved, and currently out of our control.
To practice self-compassion, being patient and kind with ourselves, and allow our new expectations, project, and purpose, to take shape. Although we can’t change the reality of a situation, we do have some control over how we think and respond to this change.
“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
2 – Self-honesty.
When we move outside of our comfort zone to make the most of our potential, we need to take responsibility for our choice to grow. “Where is my responsibility in what is happening?” It is always tempting, and easier, to blame external factors, “They fired me!”, “It’s because of the bad economy”, “I got burned out because of my boss” “He cheated on me.”
Our perceptions and beliefs are made up of partial truths. Being able to not only see but admit to our part of the responsibility, even and especially when it is hard, gives us a sense of control. It allows us to take back ownership of our life choices and what our future could look like.
I remember when I closed my restaurant my husband told me “If you’re honest with yourself you knew that this was coming, that it wasn’t well managed.” His honesty was like a punch in the face, but it was the wake-up call I needed. Everyone else was making excuses, but he was right. I knew the closure was down to a lack of management. Writing about it now is much easier than back then when my ego refused to let go. Self-awareness, honesty, and accepting that many of our transitions come from our own decisions, choices, and mistakes. Our decisions and choices are influenced by our past, and if we don’t want to repeat past mistakes, we need to be honest with ourselves and see the pattern to grow and change.
3-Have a support system.
Whether it’s our partner, a friend, family, support groups that go through the same struggle, or a coach, we can’t go through a transition without people we trust.
We need to have the people who love us enough to comfort us, but we also need the person that will be honest enough to challenge us, that will help us shift our perception. During transitions, we need those people that will get us out of our emotions to bring us back to the now. People who we can ask questions like “Help me get a clearer view” “Is this a good decision or am I making this decision too quickly” and hope they will answer honestly, out of love and care for us.
During life transitions we move from anxiety to peace, from cloudiness to clarity, from fear to abundance. Life’s challenges and changes will always happen whether we chose them or not.
Building good habits when life feels in order, balanced, in control is crucial to help us get through these life changes. Eating healthy, moving our bodies, practicing gratitude, getting enough sleep, reading 20 minutes every day… all of these strategies and more, are things that sustain us. It’s like building the foundation for our house. It give us a sense of calm, a way to demonstrate competence to ourselves, and allow us to have solid abilities during turbulent times.
“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose, there are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.”