OLIVIA, 48 Yrs - USA
What’s the biggest life transition you have had?
“I have had many transitions but the one that stands out the most and that I have learned the most about myself is the transition of my children from being young and dependent to older and more independent. It started with the first transition from Middle School to High school. My son went to a Catholic school with the same 30 kids in his class from kindergarten to 8th grade. He then transitioned to a Catholic High School that had 300 kids in his graduating class from over 60 different schools/towns throughout the state. He went from a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a big pond. I went from knowing all of his classmates’ parents very well to not knowing the friends he was hanging out with, their parents or anything about the towns they were from. He naturally was meeting new kids and experiencing all new things. All of this is normal for kids to experience but hard for me to let go and allow. The fear of the unknown and the loss of control were more than I could handle at that time.”
How did you handle this transition?
“I did not handle this transition well at all. I became extremely anxious and controlling. Constantly worried that he was going to make a wrong choice that I became a real “helicopter mom”. It had a negative effect on our relationship.”
What were the emotions felt during this transition?
“I was anxious, scared, and extremely unhappy”
What is something that you have now that if you could go back, you would tell yourself?
“I have Faith that I gave him a strong foundation. I also have come to recognize that mistakes are a part of learning and he needs to make mistakes to grow.”
“I am (was) a type-A mom who likes to be in control. High strung who used to believe that my children’s actions were a complete reflection of me as a parent (I no longer feel this way)”
When you rehash this transition again, how can you use it for future life changes?
“I learned so much from the experience that it allow for a much easier transition when he moved 700 miles away to go to college. It also gave me a new (much better) approach with my daughter.”
What was the best advice you had at the time from a friend, a loved one, or a mentor?
“You need to take care of yourself, decrease your stress and have faith in order to get clarity to be able to be happy with these life transitions.”
How did it make you grow? What were the learnings?
“I learned so much about myself, and my needs so that I could gain control of my emotions and be a better mom.”